


The Sads and the Stupids - Fics and Headcanons

by AlexGlass



Series: All For The Archive 2016-2016 [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Crack, all that good stuff, headcanon compilation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-13 04:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16885446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexGlass/pseuds/AlexGlass
Summary: Recently a bunch of my works from around the net have disappeared into the ether, and compounded with the general low quality of my tagging system, I've decided to import all of the tumblr fics here. Not every chapter is gonna relate to the others, and most of these will be in bullet point format. This is an archive job, not a WIP.





	1. Classical

In classical art, the subject is always depicted in the moment before the climax of the scene. A discus thrower, coiled around himself in the second before the throw. Man, a hair’s breadth away from touching God.

Imagine, then, a modern classic:

The boardroom of Castle Evermore’s East Tower was so quiet the drop of a pin could be equated to a cymbal crash. Starlight was struggling to replace electric lighting through the panes of tinted glass, and so the room kept being thrown into irregular light.

“I never wanted this chair, you know.” His hands stained the polished oak table, creating dark handprints in the dust. His back was straight, staring dead ahead, no expression to be had. Perfect neutrality, so similar yet so fundamentally different from Andrew’s. “People always thought that was my big plan, to sit here in my father’s chair. I didn’t. Not ever. I just wanted to be allowed into the room.”

Opposite Riko, a chair didn’t creak. The dust didn’t stir. A breath didn’t fill the silence. In this moment, reality deferred its presence to a voice: “Is this not better?”

“How,  _on earth_ , could this  _possibly_  be better?”

“The Moriyama name. All that power, yours to take. Not that you didn’t take it before.”

Riko tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, either for emphasis or to attempt to see better. Unclear. Unimportant. “I. Never. Wanted. It.”

“But god knows you took to it like a fish to water.”

Riko grew incensed. His temper was a tempest, always would be. It would coalesce into a storm barreling down a singular path, hell to whatever and whoever was caught beneath. Riko never cared. Maybe he should have. “I should kill you.”

Now  _that,_ that earns him a laugh, but not an amused one. It’s the chuckle you get out of the person forced into the butt of the joke. “Riko, you should’ve killed me eight years nine months and four days ago.”

He doesn’t respond. It’s not his turn to speak just yet.

“But you decided to kill  _him_  instead.”

Another beam of light, just a flash, but it’s enough to cleave the man’s face. Ironically enough, the blue of his one visible eye blazes more sharply than his hair, red like dying embers. The curls of his youth — and his father — are gone, instead it’s all slicked back severely, highlighting his widow’s peak. Even his face belonged to the Classics: calm, reserved, but speaking of strength and solidity. A role model and aspiration for those who gazed upon it.

How foolish.

Nathaniel. Eight years, nine months and five days ago, that name was a taunt, a secret Riko lorded over his head. But Nathaniel never cooperated. He insisted on resistance, dug his heels in when he should’ve run. It was funny at first, watching his feeble attempts to push stone walls, but it was hard to keep laughing when Nathaniel was tearing down his world brick by brick.

So Riko had tried to tear down his foundations.

He’d eschewed any pretense at dignity. They’d found Minyard’s body in pieces, half rotted on a riverbank in Georgia. It was funny at the time. A final knockout blow to the Foxes.

It was one of the very few things Riko ever grew to regret.

“Do you want an apology?” Riko asked. Finally, something surprised Nathaniel, even mildly.

He arched an eyebrow. “Why in the hell would I want an apology?”

Riko shrugged. “I suppose you wouldn’t just be here to gloat.”

“Gloat. Gloat over  _what_ , exactly?”

Riko was growing tired of this circular thinking. He had half a notion that Nathaniel didn’t even plan what he would say when he came here. Perhaps he didn’t even intend to talk at all, for once. “You’re joking right? You’re telling me you aren’t head to make some grand speech about your revenge, to smear the blood on your hands in my face—“

“Big words, considering the circumstances.”

“You really want to compare our sins, Wesninski?”

“Actually, I was talking about you ruining the table.”

Riko lifted a hand off of the dark wood. In the dim light, the red smears barely shone, like oils not yet dry. “Yes, well. You’re not one for doing things cleanly, are you?”

“Clean,” Nathaniel said. “Interesting word choice. My mother didn’t die clean. Andrew didn’t die clean. The Moriyama’s don’t  _do_  clean. You do fast, you do  _messy_. I felt like returning the favor.” Emotion crept into his voice. Like he actually cared about what happened here tonight.

“You want to know who wanted  _clean,_ Riko? The Matsumotos. They wanted to see you fall apart from the comfort of their own home, the international courts fighting over who gets what.”

Riko’s brows furrowed. “Then why are you here?”

“Because _fuck clean_!” Nathaniel rose up from the table, leaving streaks of bright red where his hands touches the table. Riko’s clothes were ruined, but at least he was wearing black and red, hiding the damage. Nathaniel, on the other head, only had dress slacks and a white button-down shirt, highlighting the trail of blood which rode up his sleeves and torso. Finally, classical idealism evolved, as it always did, into the climax of hellenism. “You destroyed everything I had, so I’m returning the favor. Honestly, I was nicer about it than you were. I let you be there when they died.”

“You took my family,” Riko said, thinking of the bodies still cooling downstairs.

“I did.”

“You took my reputation,” Riko said, thinking of interviews gone wrong,of article after tell-all after mysterious security leak, of letter bombs and failed merchandise and unsold tickets.

“I did.”

“You took Exy,” Riko said, looking to the windows. Outside, Castle Evermore stood derelict. Glass shattered, seats stolen, court ruined. Nobody but Riko had visited this place before tonight in years, not even Tetsuji.

“I did.”

Here, then, is our climax: a man robbed of everything, confronted by his mirror. A cycle at its conclusion, the wheel snapping at the spokes. This is where it ends.

“I should push you out this window. Nobody would recognize the body. Not that anyone would come here to see it.”

“Try,” Nathaniel said. A new sound joined the conversation. An old friend of them both, devoid of allegiance but never undependable. The sound of a cocking gun.

“I’d take you down with me.”


	2. Never Have I Ever

So we all know “The foxes play never have I ever”

But have we considered: The foxes playing never have I ever  _on live tv_

_(With special thanks to the tfc discord. Love you guys.)_

  * Allow me to set the scene:
  * The foxes have been invited to an evening talk show for promo
  * They’re all on stage for this
  * Yes even Andrew
  * They begin with the usual banter and then move on to the game
  * How it works is that each fox has a red placard reading “YES I HAVE”, and then the host reads out “never have I ever” questions submitted by the fans. Whoever did raises their placard.
  * It starts off blatantly enough: Never have I ever done something illegal
    * Everyone raises their placard
  * Never have I ever broken a bone playing exy
    * Cue three minute argument about whether Neil actually broke a bone playing
      * (yes you did stop lying you ginger gremlin)
  * Never have I ever fought a Juggalo
    * **Matt:** I don’t know what his deal was, he just kept coming at me yelling song lyrics out of tune. I remember he had a really stupid dragon tattoo.
    * **Aaron:** …did the dragon have giant boobs?
    * **Renee:**  That it was resting its forelegs on?
    * **Matt:**  … _wow_
  * Never have I ever cried/flirted my way out of a speeding ticket
    * **Allison:**  Flirt
    * **Dan & Matt:** Cry
    * **Neil:**  as far as you and the feds are concerned, cry
  * Never have I ever set someone’s hair on fire
    * **Kevin:**  Nicky really should’ve known better than to stand so close
    * **Nicky:**  Oh screw you
    * **Neil:**  Never give a child a lighter
    * **Andrew:**  Ditto
  * Never have I ever confused the twins
    * Lmao
  * Never have I ever said someone else’s name during sex
    * **Allison:** Guilty as charged. 
    * **Nicky:**  I’m not. the guy was a mess and I was getting bored, I had to end it  _somehow._
  * Never have I ever kissed one of my teammates
    * Matt, Dan, and Allison don’t mind sharing
    * Neil, on the other hand, just has this smug look on his face
    * Andrew really, really hates this game
  * Never have I ever had a paranormal experience
    * **Nicky:**  *two minute monologue ending in a stupid mothman pun*
    * **Neil:**  Buddy I grew up driving the back roads under cover of darkness. You  _see_  things.
    * **Aaron:**  I’m still not totally convinced Andrew isn’t an alien badly pretending it’s human
  * Never have I ever had a crush on Neil
    * **Neil:**  …wow
    * **Host:**  *laughing* did you know the entire team wants a piece of you or…
    * **Aaron:**  Leave me out of this
    * **Neil:**  Uh, so two of these I knew about. The rest. Um.  _No._
    * **Host:**  Wait Kevin I thought you’re straight!
    * **Kevin:**  *makes so-so gesture*
  * Never have I ever gotten black-out drunk
    * Before anybody even raises their placards the entire studio just hears Wymack losing his shit backstage and they all start cracking up
  * Never have I ever done a striptease
    * **Dan:**  #noshame
    * **Matt:** NEIL PUT YOUR HAND DOWN WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS
  * Never have I ever fought Renee
    * Andrew raises his hand
      * _And won_
        * Andrew lowers his hand
  * Never have I ever been electrocuted
    * **Nicky:**  I was not a clever child


  * The game ends there more or less but tbh the show execs are already planning a repeat because their ratings went through the roof




	3. Do It All Again

The last time Neil saw the love of his life was in 1854. 

They were crossing the Prussian border in Austria on horseback when highwaymen assaulted them. In hindsight, they were probably Reduciates, sent to eliminate the threat they posed to their brotherhood, but it wasn’t like they had much opportunity to ponder it at the time. Their intentions were clear enough: Kill Caiside and Bram both.

Those were their names back then. Neil had rather enjoyed being Caiside, even if looking Irish never did him any favors, and the lives where he was  _actually_ Irish were arguably worse.

The fight wasn’t long. It had only taken Caiside a moment to Create dozens of daggers above the highwaymen’s heads and let them plunge down, blade-first. But to Caiside’s surprise, the highwaymen weren’t, and they moved swiftly, dodging the blades and sending a hail of bullets their way before running off.

Caiside was going to smile, maybe make a joke, but the sound of Bram falling off his horse wipes any sense of accomplishment from his mind.

By the time Caiside reached Bram, the other man was already dead. Caiside held his body tight and cried. It had taken them so many years to find each other — and they were lucky, that it only took years — and now he was gone again. 

Caiside’s next move was obvious, of course. He only delayed long enough to release the horses from their packs, and then he was lying down next to Brams body, and gripped the cooling hand in his own.

And then he Created a stone slab thrice their collective size to crush them both.

It worked. Caiside’s death was quick and painless, and the next time he awakened, he was a small-time butcher in the French Alps.

And now here he is, four lives later. His name is Neil, though he was born as Nathaniel this time. He woke up six months ago, and he’s been searching for his love since. And now he’s found him.

And Neil has no idea what to do,  _because the love of his life has a goddamn identical twin, and he has no idea which one of them is his._


	4. Kingsman

**Neil**  is the son of the former Percival, who quit in disgrace to marry Neil’s father as a part of a long-term honeypot that, surprise, she couldn’t actually pull off alone. Upon her death, Neil contacts the Kingsmen for help.

 **Arthur** , who feels some regret over what happened to Percival but refuses to let it sway his bitchy demeanor, responds to his request with a deal: Neil will be trained by the kingsmen and taught to hone his abilities (specifically, his affinity for disguises and impressions), and when his training is complete, he must finish what his mother started, even if it kills him. If he manages to take down his father alone, he will officially become a kingsman.

So when Kevin offers him a place among the foxes, he sees it as an easy in with the moriyamas. But impulse, a fresh start, and a certain bunch of misfits just may teach him that there’s more to life than killing.

(He’s totally keeping the suit, though.)

Starring:

 **Renee Walker** , the former Statesman who gave up her title to live a normal life and hide her greatest shame: thinking it’s okay to commit high-profile acts of espionage while wearing a cowboy hat.

 **Allison Reynolds** , media darling, hotelier heiress, and international arms dealer. She’s prettier than you, pettier than you, deadlier than you.

 **Randy Boyd** , Head of Statesman who loves her son dearly and watches Neil and Renee like a hawk to ensure that they don’t start any shit (like that’ll stop them)

 **Kevin Day** , who is somehow almost completely unaware of the war being wage right over his head.

 **Tetsuji Moriyama** , who thought creating the best exy team on earth by microchipping his players’ brains was a good idea

 **Andrew Minyard** , who proved Tetsuji wrong on that count.

(Not that it was his fault. How was he supposed to know that aiming a ball at Riko’s spine would do  _that_?)

((Not that he’s complaining though.))

And featuring  **David Wymack** , who totally knows what’s up but won’t let on because he doesn’t feel like explaining to the school board why his players can enable a coup in Guatemala but can’t get their act together on the court.


	5. Juvie

  * So according to the timeline Andrew was in Juvie at age 14? 15? 
  * He’s in juvie in California for about 2 months when Alex is assigned to be his cellmate. 
  * (I’m going to completely ignore the logistics of how Alex got sent to juvie without Mary stopping it beforehand and just say he’s in there and Mary wants him out.)
  * Well Alex is basically a sitting duck for Nathan’s men and Andrew is an asshole on a good day so naturally he is not in the best mood.
  * But over the course of a few months they become friends.
  * They’re both assigned to the Exy team.
  * They end up sitting together at meals. 
  * Alex teaches Andrew a little bit of French. 
  * And then Andrew kisses Alex 
  * and oh how it is the greatest thing. Up until Mary’s contacts get Alex out by faking his suicide. 
  * And whatever was left of Andrew’s heart breaks that day. 
  * Until he sees that face again half a decade later on the file Kevin was holding. 
  * He was willing to straight up kill Wymack and take his plane ticket if that’s what it took to get to Arizona because this can’t  _possibly_ be Alex and yet it is.
  * Forget amusement. This time, when he swings a racquet into Neil’s stomach, it’s revenge. 
  * Because it only takes half a second of eye contact for Andrew to know that it’s  _him_. 
  * It only takes Neil that same second to know he’s been found again, and it’s the greatest feeling and the worst thing in the world. Andrew hates him  _hates_ him.
  * Forget the percentage. This man broke Andrew’s heart. 
  * But he will keep his secrets. Because Andrew has half a decade’s worth of questions and he  _will_ have his answers.



Aaaaaaaaaand that’s enough angst for one post.  _On to the crack._

  * Skipping to after the team gets the full story (aka after Baltimore)
  * They know Andrew and Neil met in juvie
  * But they don’t  _know_
  * They find out though
  * Not because either one of them really tells the team though, no
  * It’s because Andrew would sooner die than miss an opportunity to be Petty™ 


  * “Andrew where’s my sweatshirt?”
  * “Idk where my pizza”
  * “Andrew that was six fucking years ago”
  * “I want my pizza Josten”


  * “Remember what Sasha said during that godawful sex ed seminar?”
  * “Yeah?”
  * “That’s how I feel about talking to the press right now.”
  * “Why you thought that this is an okay mental image to put in someones head is beyond me, but I can’t say I don’t share the sentiment.” 


  * Also: 
  * **Neil, shaking Andrew awake at 2 am:**  Holy shit they were fucking. Hey, Drew, Andrew, Griffin and Tyler were totally screwing how didn’t I notice that 
  * **Andrew, tired as fuck and definitely not thinking clearly:**  I mean you didn’t notice me and Jasper so— 
  * **Neil:** _…you told me that was a bruise!_


  * **Andrew, two days later, having finally forgiven Neil for waking him up for something so trivial:**  you know Jasper was trying to get into your pants too
  * **Neil:**  o_o 
  * **The foxes, who are all within earshot but have none of the context:** 0_0   ಠ_ಠ    ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°    ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   ⊙‿⊙   (╯°▽°)╯┻━┻   0‿↼




	6. Linguistics Prof Neil Josten

-His first three years teaching, students would CONSTANTLY derail his lessons by asking him about Exy

-Those students could be placed in a Venn diagram of “students who actually want to know about his past in Exy” and “students who don’t want to learn”. You’d be surprised at the size of the overlap.

-Eventually this becomes his system: every lesson, he arrives exactly on time. He already told his students what the lecture will be about last time, and he’s going to follow what he said to a tee. If he manages to finish everything early, than the class is dismissed. If he doesn’t cover everything he wanted to because of interruptions, then too bad, learn at home.

-That said, he has the longest office hours in the university, and he will absolutely sit down with the same student over a single subject for days on end until they get it.

-He actually does this. Often. His office has like 8 different whiteboards and each one is dedicated to a separate office-regular student.

-his tests will always include at least three Exy-related problems

-he still goes to the gym religiously and plays Exy on the weekends so he’s still hot AF and it is Distracting™ his students

-He and Dan have a Rivalry™ over which pro team is better because Neil will just Stan whichever team impresses him the most on any given season while you’d have to pry Dan’s unwavering loyalty Matt’s team out of her cold dead hands and the two simply do not coincide often enough for this to end well

-every year there’s at least one student who is both in Neil’s class and on the Exy team, and Neil and Dan will fight over that students favoritism like it’s the most valuable thing in the world. Except that one guy, Ethan, who tried to use this to get better grades. There was no mercy for Ethan.

-he always hands back tests folded inwards so you can’t see your grade until you open it. Every year the freshmen see this as an omen of doom, until they understand that he does this because anyone who gets a 95+ gets a glitter bomb with their test.

-no, he will NOT round up your 68 into a 70

-but he is far more forgiving in his grading if you show up on exam day with food

-one year he caught a bunch of his students cheating, so for the next exam he (with a lot of help from Andrew) designed a different exam form for every student. All 48 of them.

-it was so worth it

-if the Foxes are playing and he doesn’t need to rent an overnight, he will attend

-occasionally Sir and King will attend a lecture because they’re adorable and his students love them

-Bonus: Andrew is the criminology professor

-Bonus bonus: Kevin is the head of the History department


	7. Nerf War

  * Buying a nerf gun is, quite possibly, the stupidest decision David Wymack ever made
  * [The damn thing](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-modulus-ecs-10-core%3AAEB1646F-5056-9047-F5C8-FB27AEB5EB13&t=NWJhMmNiZGYwNmFmNGU5OTY1ZTM2MmNkOTUzNmU0ZjA3NmNhNTc3YixKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1) was on sale at walmart so he just said fuck it, added it to the cart, and stashed it in his office without ever opening the box
  * Except one day at practice the foxes are kinda out of it
  * Idk why, let’s say they’re all super hungover
  * And I guess Wymack was pretty put of his right mind too because he just went into the office, unpacked the gun, and for the rest of the day every time he needed to yell at someone to pay attention, either on the court or during team meetings, he just shot them with foam darts
  * He then dubbed it “The gun of shame”
  * It didn’t last that first day before Andrew stole it
  * But Wymack was not letting this go
  * He just replaced it with a [much flashier model](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-elite-hyperfire-blaster%3ADE9D956F-5056-9047-F5EF-BDB7306A8CCD&t=NTFjZmM0NDQxMzAzYTQ2NGRiNjMwZDg1YjkwMjlmNDcxZDE3Y2QxNSxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * Except Andrew now had a gun of his own
  * And while we all know how much he likes threatening people with knives, even Andrew can’t deny how much fun it is to shoot someone in the face
  * What happens over the course of that week can only be described as a ten-way cold war
  * Except since they’re all American, shit hit the fan muuuuuuuuch faster
  * Nicky began the war when he bought a [pair of blasters](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-elite-triad-ex-3-blaster%3A4CE586D7-5056-900B-1073-BF58840EACD3&t=NDllZjBjYmFiMWQxYmNjMTNiMGFmNDUyMWJlMGJmZjhlNjUzNmYyMCxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * Allison basically bought out every short range model they had and stashed them in various locations around the dorm and court
  * Renee is reserved in many aspects, but when it comes to anything competitive and/or violent, she’s always been more of a [“go big or go home”](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-mega-mastodon-blaster%3AEA6DAA50-5056-9047-F5DF-FF28E54A7565&t=Y2UwYjE3OWQ4MTA3ZmE4ZDlkYzgxNDQ5MjgwODFjMDdkOWUwM2FkYixKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1) kind of person
  * Aaron is a [fucking cheater](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-elite-terrascout%3A00E923A0-5056-9047-F5D8-26F1B9248E64&t=YjZkZjc0MmEyNTY3NGNjMGJlMTk0NTM2ZTgyMmMzZTZiZDJjYmU0ZCxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * Kevin, as per usual, needs to [calm the fuck down](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-doomlands-double-dealer-blaster%3ADEEC816A-5056-9047-F566-D495C98ECA38&t=NmZhZjc3ODZkZmFlYzVkYjkzZDk5MzNiNGEyOWRmYmY4N2Y3YThkZixKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * Dan is more of a [traditionalist](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-stratobow-bow%3A360A0A4C-5056-9047-F50C-72F02EE5C6A3&t=OWFiNTg2NjY2OWU0ODk2MzZiNDdhMDgyMzQ2NzYwMmRmMDgzZmI5NCxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1) really
  * Matt is too much of a nerd to not get himself a pair of [these bad boys](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fstar-wars-episode-vii-nerf-han-solo-blaster%3AB0D59FEC-5056-9047-F576-4E5E5F8FA335&t=Yjk1MGI4NjJkMDhkOGMyYzQyODk1M2FjODY4MDk1N2JiOGRmNWNlYyxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * When Neil initially refused to play along Andrew just bought him [this](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-zombie-strike-doublestrike-blaster%3AFA6AB376-5056-9047-F5DA-6C7AC25425F3&t=M2M4MzIxMGIxZDJmMzgyMzA4MDFlYzIzZTJkOTY3MzExMDZiMTczOSxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1)
  * Now naturally the whole shebang ended at once rather than gradually
  * And it ended like this:
  * It was a tuesday
  * Tensions have been building for days now
  * Everyone was itching to pull the trigger first, but knew retaliation would be disasterous
  * Andrew, ever the instigator, has been making jabs and comments all week
  * To Wymack: “A shame you can’t use that gun what with the entire team against you.”
  * To Renee: “This has to end eventually. Better it ends all at once.”
  * To Neil: “If you think I’d skip an opportunity to shoot you in the face then you’re even stupider than I thought.”
  * Everyone is on edge
  * Alliances are made
  * ~~False smiles, false promises, the stakes too high for something like _trust_~~
  * Tuesday
  * Morning practice
  * Usually the team arrives in two cars and one pair of sneakers
  * Today they arrive in four cars, three pairs of feet, and one motorbike
  * Today they finish this



Dan and Matt enter first, back to back, guns raised in front of them. They’ve planned this. In through the lounge, to the bleachers, gain the high ground. They’re immediately assulted by Wymack. He is tired and angry and ready for this whole thing to be over, shooting strategically from behind the sofa.

By the time Allison sneaks in from the side entrance, Dan and Matt have been split up between the door to the locker rooms and behind the entertainment center respectively. Nicky is sprawled on the floor, defeated, two darts in his chest for every one that is no longer in his blasters. Darts are everywhere and ammo packs are emptying, everyone begins conserving their shots. No one dares going after their spent munitions.

But a small whirring noise is all the warning the group gets to run in and grab as manny fallen darts as they can before Aaron’s drone rolls in blasting in every direction. There is no plan, no sense. He obviously means to finish as many of them off in one go before he actually enters the building. This sudden shift in the balance moves the battlefield further into the building. Dan and Matt retreat to the girls’ locker room. Wymack is halfway to the boys’ locker room when Aarons drone gets him right in the back. He falls. Dan yells. Leonardo DiCaprio is nominated for an Oscar.

Allison finally gets in position behind the drone and takes it out with two darts. Dan wishes to go for Wymack and do a whole scene where they pretend Wymack is drying while Matt films because  _that would be fucking hilarious_ , but they can hear footsteps from the hall. Voices.

The twins are here.

Allison and Dan share a long look, then nod. The two have their differences and their history, and both sides know this alliance will not hold, but for now there is no other choice. They enter the court, eyes searching for a defensible position.

But Renee is waiting. As the first dart flies, aiming true, and hitting Matt’s chest, Dan realizes just how badly they had been duped. Nicky was a sacrifice to get the ball rolling and minimize betreyals later on. Aaron’s drone to push them to Renee. And now the twins would close in from behind and it would all be for nought.

But something nags at Dan, something telling her that there is a flaw to this plan, one she can’t see. Nontheless, that instinct gives her the strength she needs to push herself and Allison out of the way and into the stadium seats. Matt is lost to her, she knows this, and she will mourn, but first

she

will

fight

The cousins exit the locker rooms, and the battle transforms into a game of cat and mouse. The fluorescent lights shining down on a stadium empty but for the occasional shot.

It is ten minute later that Allison sees it, hitting Dan in the arm to get her attention: Aaron, leaving, blaster raised in defeat. But who? Has their team finally fractured?

As Renee leaves a few moments later, Allison startles turns to Dan, and frantically whispers “ _Where the fuck is N–”_

She never finishes her sentence, because at that exact moment a foam dart is lodged in her throat.

And as Allison chokes, Dan looks above to the catwalks that give cameras a view of every inch of the stadium, and sees the face of her destroyer, she understands. She has fallen for the very same trick that let a runaway take on crime bosses and win.

She’s mistaken ignorance for incompetence.

* * *

Neil looks down at his conquered land, [weapon](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fnerf.hasbro.com%2Fen-us%2Fproduct%2Fnerf-n-strike-elite-centurion-blaster%3A62F9EEA0-5056-9047-F52D-49FFE1697B3A&t=ODZlZjIwNGI1NTZlZWIwOTI5OTc5OWVhMGY5ZDljY2ZiN2MxMTA5NCxKYW4wTlhoNQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ANENU4dvo1FVF3ub38PYXdw&p=http%3A%2F%2Faledethanlast.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F153569651867%2Fif-youre-still-looking-for-headcanons-neil-being&m=1) in hand. He makes a mental note to thank Rasheed from the foorball team for modifying it the pressure and accuracy. You gotta love engineering students.

Nodding approvingly at Dan’s surrender, Neil sets his eyes on his final target.

 _It’s a shame,_  he thinks as he aims right between Andrew’s eyes,  _that Kevin had the same plan I did. It would have been fun to take him on here. Though he’s probably glad for the excuse to go back to sleep._

Andrew suddenly turns his head, and Neil takes a sharp inhale as their eyes meet. But the faint light of amusement Neil had seen earlier is gone, his trademark boredom back in place. He knows he’s lost.

“Sorry,” Neil will tell him later, kissing the faint purple circle on his forehead. “But all’s fair in love and war.”


	8. Everybody's Multilingual

  * Andrew and Aaron grew up in California and Nicky is Hispanic, so they all speak Spanish as well as German
    * Then Andrew learned Portuguese from the other kids in juvie (first time that memory of his ever came to good use) 
    * Meanwhile Aaron was tutored in Arabic by his school friends because he needed a language Tilda wouldn’t understand 
    * And Erik’s father grew up in Venice so when they hosted Nicky they just taught him Italian too. 
  * Kevin learned French from Jean but Japanese from the Moriyamas and his mother (who, hello, was living in Japan when she met Tetsuji). 
    * But Kayleigh Day actually actually raised him in Ireland for the first few years until her parents died, and because they were hella traditional they taught lil’ baby Kevin some Gaelic. (Mainly swear words, tho.)
      * He forgot a lot of it, but it comes back when he’s really emotional.
    * Of course when he was 16 he got really into classics and, being the absolute nerd that he is wth zero concept of limits, taught himself Latin and Greek
      * (he did Modern first and still working of Ancient). 
  * Neil lived all over Europe so he speaks German, French, Russian, and Romanian, and now he’s learning Spanish at Palmetto.
  * Dan only started learning English when she was 5. Her parents raised her speaking Thai and she vowed to never lose fluency when they died.
    * The strip club where she preformed only let her work with an ID they knew was fake because they had an “ethnic” thing going (*shudder*) so most of her stage sisters are immigrants or the children of, like her. From them she started speaking Portugese, Spanish, and Cantonese.
  * Renee learned spanish from her mom and her various boyfriend.
    * When Stephanie picked her up and got her interested into religion, the two made a deal over Renee’s education: If Renee learned fluent Italian by the time she graduated high school, the two would go to Rome for holiday.
      * A year and a half later, there’s a picture of Renee meeting the Pope on Stephanie’s fridge. The both refuse to explain how they managed to swing that.
  * Allison grew up being expected to be the crown jewel of the family (her father’s words) so she learned Spanish and French in kindergarten, with a new language introduced every time she mastered on. 
    * By the time she disowned her family to play exy in her junior year of high school, she also spoke Mandarin Chinese, Arabic, and Italian.
  * There is literally not a country in Europe Seth isn’t blood related to, and his mother’s announcement of her pregnancy had launched an all-out intergenerational war over which languages he would learn at home. In the end, Italian, Russian, and Hungarian won.
    * Though his grandfather managed to sneak some Romanian in there before the family caught him.
  * Matt is shit at learning new languages, but after his mom took him away from New York and brought him along on the circuit, he learned quickly from his mother’s friends and their own kids. This gave him Russian, Korean, Spanish, and he was just starting to understand Cantonese when he came to Palmetto.
    * Before all this he’s already fluent in Navajo thanks to his mother, who wanted to ensure that he knew his heritage.


  * So now you have 10 people throwing around 18 languages and generally refusing to speak English unless they have to and really what I’m getting at here is imagine Wymack staying up at 3am trying to make a chart of which of these hyperactive little shits speak what language and the chances of them being in cahoots  _holy fuck David what have you done to yourself._
    * _“_ At Palmetto we encourage a global community of every background,” David says to the press, when he really means “I may regret signing on these assholes every time someone makes a seemingly random sound and half the team snickers but hey, if that means that the other team doesn’t know what the fuck is going on either, then that’s fine by me.”


  * These idiots practically reinvent the phrase  _lost in translation_ like holy shit:
    * **Seth:**  “THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?” 
    * **NIcky:**  “I SAID MY SHOES WERE WORN OUT YOU DICKASS.”


    * **Allison:**  “Renee? [rapid fire cantonese]?” 
    * **Renee:**  “[heavily slanged Italian]”. 
    * **Allison and Renee:**  “uhhhhh”


    * The upperclassmen develop this stupid game for long trips to games where someone throws out the name of a random object in some language, and everyone who doesn’t speak that language must guess what that person was talking about and then repeat it in their own languages, and so on. No pointing or gesturing is allowed.
    * There was a whole three months where Nicky and Allison tried to convince the University board to turn the college the Foxes into the Rosetta Stones because of a really shitty joke Wymack made.


    * **Dan:** “Personally I think we should just yell out whatever we want in any language before we do anything because it’ll confuse the fuck out of the other team.”
    * **Everyone:**  “This is the greatest plan ever.”
    * **Wymack:**  “Oh for fuck’s sake.”


    * **Allison:**  [says something to Seth in the middle of lunch]
    * **Neil:** “Are you guys talking about practice?”
    * **Dan, pulling out a spray bottle of holy water:** “Wrong kind of exercise, Neil.”


    * “Scrimmage time! Romance versus Anglo.”


    * **Neil:**  [talking to Andrew over the phone]
    * **Kevin:**  “Are you talking about exy?”
    * **Seth, holding Dan’s spray bottle of holy water:**  “Wrong kind of stick, Kevin.”




End file.
